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One shot, no edits, pure fun. This is me, unretouched! To the fashion police out there: yes, I’m in my workout clothes! So what? Thanks to my good friend Cat, rode over 20 miles. So there is my excuse. To my potential future employer if s/he’s watching: everyone has a silly side, I swear I don’t wear biking shorts to work. And I am not a violent person.
PS: by the end of the night, I WILL GET IT! It's so good to have you back! Share your thoughts, I LOVE comments! This is the story of how a Frenchie settles down in America.  Now what? To vlog or not to vlog again? Dear Facebook, I hate what you’ve done to us. You want us to believe that we’re closer than we’ve ever been, more engaged than we thought our busy schedules could allow it, and that our freedom has reached yet another level. Am afraid it’s all the contrary, you see. Facebook, you’ve confined me to my desktop screen, mobiles devices and other sources of insanities, to catch up on the latest feeds of updates covering a virtual wall – if only for 1 minute or so, cause 97 of my other closest friends are about to say something — where was I? Oh yes, the wall. But do you hear yourself talk, Facebook? Since when do you put a wall between friends? And is it how you tell friends how much you care, with as many clicks as you can between a load of laundry and a run to the grocery store, Like this, Like that. Things have changed, I now find that mere acquaintances (remote coworkers, even!) want to be my friends (how awkward, now, come on!); I don’t want to hurt their feelings nor do I want to share my first baby’s pictures with them. I thought that’s what I was supposed to do all along, create my own community, exchange with my close ones, keep in touch. Not let everybody in on my close circle because they “found” me. More than awkward, is darn right outrageous. You, Facebook, have the audacity to suggest new friends to me? What’s wrong with my current friends? Why are you making me run in a popularity contest? You know what else? I can’t do it because I’m not funny enough; the conversation I’m seeking is just not there (hence my blog, ehehe); how lonely do you think that makes me feel, Facebook? Look, I’m sorry but it’s not going to work between us. Considering our current status, it’s obvious we can’t just be friends. I took down my picture several weeks ago, to show that I’m subtracting myself from that non-sense. Not from my true friends. But of course, they will recognize themselves when I say I’ve decided my time is better invested with them. When I can see them, talk to them, sometimes touch them. Having my family across the ocean is not always easy, but we manage just fine with the phone, and the occasional video chat. Most times, pen on paper can achieve true miracles, you should try it! At the end of the day, I know you don’t need to know what I do, where I go and who with — Facebook, I just hope you’ll never use what you already know against me. Hopefully you’ll find there are many other fish in the sea… So this is it. I hope some day you’ll understand. I thought blogging was like an online journal, but I can’t write what I don’t want to share. So it would be more accurate to call blogging an open journal. For all who care to look for it WILL find it. I also have to admit something. I can’t blog about decluttering because I am struggling with that. I am no hoarder, just a regular Jane who’s got a hard time purging her life of the unnecessary crap Target, Macy’s, Staples and Bed Bad and Beyond thing you MUST own. Not even talking about old correspondence I can’t part from, it’s just too hard. Including bank statements that are over 3 years old. Ya know, just in case! Still making progress, but nothing that deserves front and center stage here, on Franco-American Dream. All this time, I’ve been thinking. And I finally admitted something. Some topics are off-limits because, well, there is no privacy in this world and the last thing I want to do is hurt myself or anyone else by accident. It’s nothing new, but it’s something I needed to write down for myself. Note for later: It’s okay to be selective, it’s my blog. Most of the things I’ve been thinking about lately are related to cultural habits and perceptions; how different things are, yet how well one can adapt and forget the way “things used to be”. I find this aspect of life across different countries so fascinating! And of course the shaping of a new life is forever intriguing. I am thinking about my son, whom I’m raising bilingual with my husband (me, in French; him, in English). Great writing materials!! A note of warning that may disappoint my loyal 25 subscribers: I must switch the email delivery of my posts from Aweber to a free alternative; since it has not been used very much (one post every… 3 months now??), I can’t justify the $19 per month. Just wanted to warn you before it stops. And once I figure out what’s wrong with my feed, there will be another way, promise! Though, it’s certainly presumptuous on my part to think you may still be interested in reading me considering I’ve left you down for so long. On the upside, I’ve worked on so many topics inside my head, I will make it up to you. Proof of my newly found enthusiasm? It’s past 2am, and my brain was bursting at the seams, I could not sleep! So I came down to post an update and make peace with the growing silence that was haunting me. Turns out, I’ve been missing you lately. This realization happened nearly 2 weeks ago and this mental post has been on my mind ever since, so I suppose it’s time to end my two month hibernation. I now work for a small office. My office does not have recycling bins and therefore we do not recycle, so after lunch one day I decided to go hunt for a recycle bin. I looked up the information online, made my way to an office building on the other side of town, only to find out that I was at the County’s recycling office, but my office is dependent of the City’s recycling office. Big mistake, of course. It’s not OK to get a circular yellow bin, I must have a square blue bin. You can’t mess with that kind of stuff. Not ready to give up, I not-so-kindly accept the piece of paper with two addresses on it, to claim a recycling bin from the city… Turns out one location is a few blocks from my house, but there is no way I am retreating and postponing the task; here I am, driving around town again. I park near the warehouse of public works, look for people that can help me in different parts of the building, cannot find anyone, and decide to try the next location, which happens to be right downtown. At that time, I hit a traffic jam due to police activity and need to take the back roads; when I arrive in town, school just got let out and it’s the beginning of the madness hour on the main road, not to mention the construction trucks blocking the right lane. Seriously? At that point, I’ve been circling around for over an hour in my car, frantically looking for a plastic bin to dispose of paper to be recycled. Wasting time and energy. Frustration won and I hurried back to the office to get my work done. Recycling that day was not on the agenda, and to this day, I have not yet picked up the blue bin… Maybe next week? I lost track of time, just like that. In between my old and my new job. Then technology lost me. Though I tried logging on from my new laptop while I was away on business travels; but I had forgotten my access codes to post to my blog! At home, they’re “saved” so I don’t have to worry about it. On my old work laptop, they were “saved” too. And then my new VPN access hasn’t been working well so I end up leaving my laptop at the office these days. At home, I signed out of Tweetdeck a few weeks ago because I was getting tired of the pop-ups distractions. And forgot to log back in. And then I got scared to look again, except on my smart phone where it’s slightly less overwhelming. I have not looked at my reader in weeks and the more I wait, the less compelling it is to “catch up”. I feel pretty disconnected from the blogosphere, yet I am more in touch with the people around me. That’s a trade-off I will take ANY day. I will confess. While it’s addicting — beside hanging out with some special friends (and they will recognize themselves and not be upset by what follows) — time spent online is an abyssal waste of time. There are times we learn, but the rest of time… is wasted. That’s how it feels for me. Not that watching nearly 3 episodes of Bones back to back isn’t wasted time (what can I say, a girl needs some alone time when hubby is traveling!). But there is absolutely no denial there. I am the kind that gets easily side-tracked online, I lack discipline; a little bit like in my Declutter Challenge, where I am not gaining much ground, because sweating the small stuff is not fun, so instead of cleaning or sorting or organizing, well… I do the other things I’d rather do. It’s all right, I will try again, but not tonight. Tonight, I am going to bed before 10pm, because my legs are still recovering from a brutal half marathon (yo, Richmond, it was freezing!) and I need to wake up insanely early to take care of myself, the baby and the dog before I head out the door. But the excited news of the week-end was? I got my new running stroller, and as soon as I can fit a run when the sun is up (probably this week-end, the sun ain’t coming back until March as far Monday through Friday goes!), I will give it a try… soon there will be NO excuses!! The routine of a working mom that is also trying to work out. It’s hard enough as it is, please don’t come and ask me when I’ll work on #2, we aren’t there yet. What is the question you aren’t ready to hear these days? Most of us have heard this story which explains how the things that matter to you most must take priority; then if there is room left, you can add the “rest”. It says that if you have rocks of various sizes to fit in a jar, you’d have to put the big ones first, then position the smallest stones, and eventually sprinkle with sand. Should you have started filling the jar with sand, you would not have been able to fit the larger rocks. My blog wasn’t fitting in the jar this past week, I’m at peace with this. I wanted to write this as a reminder of why I shouldn’t beat myself too much for the lack of posts. And that while I’m serious about my blog, I don’t need to take it too seriously. Because I’ve been busy with rather important “things”. I left my job, and more importantly a field I’d been in for 7 years — now, that may not sound like much, but that’s pretty much my entire career to date. So yes, it’s a rather big deal. Most people on the exit ramp just speed up and don’t really look back. I suppose I’m not that kind of person because I gave everything that I had, all the way until the end; I worked my tail off to make sure I offered as much assistance as possible in the transition process. Because I still care about the place, the people, and the work. I would not have had it any other way. Then my mom and her boyfriend came to town, about 10 days ago. That’s great, right? We’re having a fabulous time. Truthfully, it’s also exhausting! And I bet they feel the same way when I visit them, so no hard feelings. Meanwhile, I’ve been working on my new job which started officially today and is already taking me to an event in Florida tomorrow until Saturday. That trip is going to be my longest stretch of time away from Poisson. I hope I will be so consumed by work that I won’t think about it too much. But the reality will be else I’m afraid; it isn’t just my little boy’s routine I’m disturbing, it’s mine! I’ve been giving Poisson his dinner & bath for nearly nineteen months with exceptions I can count on my two hands. How is that going to go exactly? Sigh. I have to pack for my trip. This week, work will barely fit in the jar, yet there won’t be room for anything else! These past two weeks have been marked by change, or at the very least the premise of many changes ahead! I quit my job. I gave my notice at the end of last week, and told my coworkers and clients that I was leaving the fundraising industry to get on a completely different path. Their response was so positive that it only comforted my in my decision. I was actually quite surprised by some of the reactions I got. In a good way. My boss attempted to keep me around, but he soon realized that what was opening up for me was worth a shot, and that I was going to take it. The pay, he asked. Is less. It’s true and he believed me. Right then he knew he would not be able to convince me to stay. At that point, I was completely aware I must have been doing a good job because he was truly sad to see me go. I feel like I am letting my coworkers down because I know the work coming down the pipeline is not slowing down, meanwhile more resources will be needed to replace me. Despite the pickle juice I leave them in, all of them expressed how truly happy they were (some jealous!) for me. And when the smartest of them told me how smart I am, how great I’m going to do in my new job… I was really wondering if that was really me she was talking about! So flattering. To be frank, I’m just exercising common sense to the best of my ability, and that appears to do the trick. I do work hard. But all of my team does too. And for that they deserve so much credit. Then when I told the non-profits I work with about my decision, I got overwhelmed by their kind words and their sincere appreciation of my contribution and hard work. I suppose it proves I made a bit of a difference in each one of their missions — a high-profile educational organization, a health group that awards grants to cancer research programs, a youth shelter in Canada, a humane group in operation for over 100 years. I helped them raise more net money to fulfill their goals. That’s actually better than sending a check ; you know, don’t give famished people fish, teach them how to catch the fish, type of thing… My new adventure is taking me down the street, in my own town just a few miles away from my house, to a small office I’ve known for a little while now. A renown French company with a growing influence in the US. And a few people within the staff who are friends. I look forward to spending my work day with them, learning from them, accomplishing great things together. I also look forward to better balancing my time between work and my family. To getting back on track with my triathlons & marathon goals. To starting all over with such a career challenge. In an industry I know very little about — the boating sector in North America — for a marketing job I’m so excited about! A job that will also take me back to France a few times every year. I am so lucky to have this opportunity. Whoever included prosperity in the definition of the American Dream ought to pay special attention to the definition of said prosperity. From what I see, it does not have much to do with the money. ***** I’m also incredibly lucky to have my mom at home for two weeks, starting with today! She just arrived from France and I had not seen her since Christmas. It’s the third time she meets her Franco-American grand-son. We have much time to make up and fabulous memories to create! Finally, let’s remember health is the best gift money can’t buy. Whoever is dealing the cards from up above or down below, thank you for keeping me and my family safe. But please, give my friend Bill a little break. Cancer is so bullshit. ***** 11- All the way through High School and College you take your abilities and accomplishments for granted. 10- As you get older you think it’s normal to ease up, but in reality you wish you could keep going strong! 9- You dread taking the initiative, but the “getting in the mood” phase is actually the hardest part. 8- Once you get started it actually feels pretty good! And you wonder all along why in hell it is so hard to get started… 7- The subsequent high lasts several hours and gives you a huge sense of accomplishment, so much so that as you meet other people later that day you doubt they got to do what you did. And that makes you feel invincible. Especially if you don’t get to it more than once a week (or less?) 6- You blame fatigue and work to get out of it on a regular basis. To the point that you have to mark your calendar or else you’d never do it. 5- If you are a woman who’s experienced childbirth, you may take 6 to 8 months post-partum to even think about it again. Those who resume normal activity at 6 weeks are the exception. 4- You must invest in the right apparel if you’re in it for the long haul. 3- It’s great cardio exercise and you can pick your own pace. Sweat optional. 2- Most people talk about it a lot more than they do it. 1- It’s not mandatory but it’s an enjoyable perk of life. Just do it!
This morning my son looked back at me in the rear-view mirror for the first time. And he smiled at me with his largest grin, with a low giggle as he stretched his neck just a bit more to see the rest of my face. I cannot share a picture of it, but this image is now trapped in my memory for ever. It was wonderful. We laughed a bit more as we continued to look at each other through the mirror. It was yesterday that I’d realized I was always turning back to him to see him, when I could use the mirror! It was then that I had reoriented the rear-view mirror slightly so that I would see his beautiful face, his blue eyes scanning the world around him. Warning: Looking at your child in the rear-view mirror is not necessarily safer than just turning your body around. On our short ride back to the house yesterday, my eyes were riveted to him, not so much to the road! I was much more disciplined this morning, looking intensely at him while we were stopped at a traffic light, or waiting for a car to drive by before we could make a turn. Of course, back when Poisson was an infant, I had hooked one of those headrest mirrors to the backseat so that I could watch him. But quickly the mirror had detached and found its way to the trunk until I took it out of the car all together. When he was about 14 months is when I finally turned the car seat around — because of the way my car was shaped I could no longer drop my 25-pound little boy so swiftly (nor gently) in his seat in the rear-facing position, though it was by far my favorite (the safest place for children under two is the back seat AND in the rear-facing position). Hard to say who enjoyed that switch the most — him looking at the road ahead, at me, at the traffic ahead of us. Or me, just turning around to catch a glimpse of him, make a silly face and stroke his leg. As I looked in the mirror today, I could see a grown little boy, not a baby any more. He will be 18 months at the end of this week. His hair longer, combed to the side, his eyes watching my face and his own ‘words’ responding to my prompts, understanding every word I said, I am sure of it. On my way back, after I had dropped Poisson off at daycare, I thought about the cliché “watching your life pass you by in the rear-view mirror”. How it relates to the events we have lived and the memories we have created, and how we see them accumulate to form our experiences, behind us now, paving the road of our past. Today, as I looked in the rear-view mirror, my past did not reflect on the road behind me. It did in my son’s eyes. Along with our future. |
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