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By Maryline, on August 1st, 2010%
Last week, I was sharing my two cents on setting up a nanny share. (Or rather, my 500 words’ worth)
However what matters the most in the nanny share is often… the nanny!
And finding the right person can be a painful tricky process. Here are some pointers:
- The search: Simultaneously look at potential applicants (sites like www.care.comworked great for us! Craigslist will require a bit more precautions, but that can work too) and place ads describing the nanny share arrangement.
Postings in local businesses or schools are a good idea, and of course talk to parents of young children and your neighbors who might know someone… Word of mouth can go a long way!
- Job description: be specific about your needs such as location, live-in or live-out, days & hours, age of the children, expectations (child care obviously, but possibly some light housework, etc.), credentials and experience. You might want to indicate a salary range. I’d recommend a weekly $ range – parents usually like to pay a flat fee per week and not pay by the hour — provided the general agreement is respected in terms of general work hours.
Indicate if you will consider a care provider who takes their child along with them. Often this does no work for nanny shares because 2 kids is plenty already! Save yourself some time and just indicate whether or not that is okay with you.
If you have pets, say so. If driving is a requirement, or CPR (yes, yes!) or anything else, say that too.
- Pre-screening: An initial phone conversation will ensure that the applicant has a good command of English — or whatever language you wish your care provider to speak. Go through the job requirements and confirm the applicant knows what s/he is in for. Discuss the applicant’s experience, in particular the most recent and the one that relates most to your current need (children of same age, possibly another nanny share experience, etc.).
Talk about the expected duration of the agreement (the last thing you want is to go through all of this again in 3 months, but I may be wrong…) and discuss salary expectations. No point in wasting your time meeting with someone you cannot afford.
If you like what you hear, schedule a meeting in person, either a public place you are comfortable with, or your home when you are not alone with your child. If you meet outside your house first, then another meeting at your house will be required to show the applicant the place of work — which, understandably, can be a decisive factor for a potential nanny. They will want to make sure the house is safe, clean, and otherwise suitable to them (driving distance, neighborhood, etc.)
- During the interview, ask your key questions in terms of past experience working with children (how they structure the day, how they work to develop the child’s fine and gross motor skills, how they approach discipline, etc.). Ask why they are leaving (or left) their current (previous) position. Ask why they nanny and what they like or do not like about the job.
Outline expectations, daily schedules (feedings, play time, walks, naps), rules (especially regarding safety such as no visitors, lock doors at all times, etc.), notice for sick days/leave time, paid or unpaid leave, inclement weather policy, etc. Ideally you should lay out the scope of the nanny share in a contract for both families and the nanny to sign should you wish to extend a job offer.
Determine the salary for the applicant based upon your other candidates in mind and discuss tax withholding.
- Request references. Be sure to gather at least 3 and check them thoroughly. Confirm the time and duration of employment, the age of the children cared for, the best qualities of the care giver, the areas of development and potential concerns.
Keep it mind that all of the above may take several weeks. If possible start about 6 to 8 weeks prior to the anticipated start date.
My last recommendation is to follow your guts. If something tells you the person you’re talking to is not the right one, move on.
As always, I welcome your thoughts or additions!
It's so good to have you back! Share your thoughts, I LOVE comments!
By Maryline, on July 31st, 2010%
As I am getting more familiar with the blogosphere and reading more posts from mommy bloggers, I have realized something.
Maybe I work full-time because I could not be a stay-at-home mom.
I’m just no domestic diva material.
Fact: I outsource chores as much as I can.
I barely cook because I hate doing the dishes. Hate it, hate it, hate it. I hate that my hands get dry, that the counter gets crowded with drying dishes, I hate that it takes so much time. I would otherwise enjoy it very much — and when I do it’s usually because someone else is cleaning. But for the most part? My husband enjoys take-out even more than I do.
Note — I’ve been making my own baby food but that’s merely because I’m cheap and concerned about what my baby eats. This task is nothing but the exception to the rule.
We outsource the cleaning of our house to professionals once a week. My husband and I work very hard and enjoy very little down time together as a family. It is therefore a privilege we are not ashamed of.
There is nothing like a clean house from top to bottom. Even if it lasts just a couple of hours.
My fancy Dyson vacuum, a gift from my husband for Christmas (in his defense, totally my idea), is my only motivation to do “some” housework over the week-end.
And my true motivation for using it — beside clearing the hardwood floors off the dog’s hair and … mine — is that my son finds it absolutely hilarious.
Especially when the dog chases us back. (If you have found a way to vacuum in the presence of a toddler without having to carry him on your hip, I’m interested)
I don’t even iron my own clothes, I outsource that too.
Dry cleaning? I don’t like it. I don’t trust they actually read care instructions labels on clothes (ask my husband about his Irish lambswool sweater), I think it’s expensive and it does not even look that great. I can iron a shirt much better than a dry cleaner’s press can. But I’m happy to delegate.
And I won’t even talk about the impact of dry cleaners on the environment…
No, really, I’d rather have my own personal helper at home once a week. And the laundry? I time it accordingly so that the baby’s clothes are put away just before the week-end starts. It’s been a huge help.
I can’t even get myself to drive my car through the car wash once a month. Not that I really care but — it must be a guy thing – my husband does care a lot.
You will never see him wash our cars with the garden hose, no! We get our cars washed at the auto spa. I think it’s a waste of money. I’m happy to oblige if that makes him happy.
While I feel so lucky to have a husband who loves chores that involve running errands, I can’t help but suspect he’s fleeing the house to avoid baby chores.
When the timing allows, I task my husband with going grocery shopping. I hand him a list, my credit card with a budget number he cannot exceed. If he does, he is to use his credit card for the difference… And you would too if you saw how much junk food necessities he can find that were not on the list!
I will admit something. But don’t judge me.
My son is about to join a home day care (just a few weeks to go with the nanny share!) where the provider cooks homemade lunches for the children. And all I can think of is how relieved am that I don’t need to worry about making my son’s lunch anymore.
In fact the caregiver even provides breakfast and dinner, so theoretically, I could save myself a lot more food making!
We all dread some chores… right? So what are yours?
By Maryline, on July 29th, 2010%
A revelation.
Don’t try subtlety on new moms, it doesn’t work.
Get to the point and quickly. There is a very short attention span; one that gets easily distracted…
Two proofs for this statement.
My girlfriend E, proud mother of Mister D, had kindly given me some fresh produce from her garden — what was left after the deers helped themselves directly from the patch… I quickly turned her zucchini & squash pair into a yummy soup, that I dropped off on her door step the next night.
Here is our conversation via text messages:
Me: Knock knock.
E: Hi, we are driving home.
Me: “The deer spared us. Not the French cook”.
E: Oh wait! I should have said who’s there?
Me: Yes:-) Good night and hope to see you tomorrow.
I didn’t hear anything else, but did not really expect to. Two days later, had not seen E yet but checked in again via text message because I don’t want to wake mommy or her sweet baby…
Me: Morning sunshine, how is Mister D doing? Did you have an ok night? How was the soup? xxx
E: Mister D just got cleaned up from spitting up on me! He is sleeping much better at night. Wait, what soup? I love soup!
Me: On your doorstep 2 days ago!!
[Average temperature over the last 2 days... Hmm... 85F or so.]
E: Um… Uh oh. We have been coming in through the side door. Shoot!!!
The soup? It was still there. Was it still suitable for consumption? No guarantee. I asked E to have her husband try it first just in case.
I would not have drawn any conclusions at that point, but there is more.
Last night, on my way back from the hospital where I had visited my friends A & I, whose twins were born on Sunday, I stopped by their place to drop off some flowers. To surprise them for when they’d get back home the next day (i.e. today).
I had drawn a little sign that welcomed the new babies home and included it with the orchid I had just picked up. Not deliberate nor conscious, but I forgot to sign my drawing or leave a note. It never occurred to me they would not know it was from me!
It’s not like I hadn’t asked them 20 times each “so you’re waiting until Thursday to get home, yes?”
And so they got back home this morning.
Then tonight, nearly 10pm, my friend & proud new daddy sends me a text: Are you the mystery flower giver???
Me:  How many people have your key/code and own crayolas?
Lesson learned: new moms and dads want you to just say it like it is. They don’t have time for guessing games. I should have anticipated that!
But be honest now — it’s just us – would you not have checked your front door if someone sent you a text that said “knock knock”?
By Maryline, on July 28th, 2010%
Two blank days on my blogging calendar. Just like that.
I feel like an amateur tennis player who almost wins the first set against an all star champ, but ends up losing the game because I gave my all to win the first points!
Turns out, I hardly have time to blog these days, though I “think” posts all the time, I failed to “write” them! I have made peace with the fact that if I cannot blog every day, it’s okay and life goes on!
If you will indulge me, I will let you know how this happened!
I have sacrificed quite a bit of sleep to get this blog going over the past three weeks, and I am so excited to have reached over 1,000 page views (yay!). Bu this week my sacrifice went to my friends, in particulat two of my dearest girlfriends who have just given birth to three babies in total.
On another note, my company is going through a reorg and we are being told great changes are ahead. What I see is that more work will continue to be done by a too small number of people. I will however admit, I am a little out of it this week — I have not felt very concerned or interested because newborns are far more intriguing, and seeing my friends go through this life changing experience has been a real treat.
On yet another note, I have notified the family we share our nanny with that upon her departure in less than 4 weeks, I am looking to find a home day care for T instead of hiring a new nanny to come work out of my house for both their child and mine.
The dad got so upset, he was taking it very personally. I’m afraid he may never talk to me again! I explained it had nothing to with them — I just can’t handle a day care at my house, that’s not what I signed up for; beside T will really benefit from hanging out with more children, and a bit older too.
There are two contenders thus far, out of which one is already getting me a little worried. Might as well say I have only one prospect right now.
Finding child care can be such a hassle! Without word of mouth, reputable home day cares are really hard to find — when a spot opens, it gets filled from the next child on the waiting list.
When I am so tired that I can’t keep my eyes open, I know blogging can wait. Tonight, I was able to keep my eyes open long enough, but I’m nearing the end.
I will need to refocus and plan my next posts a bit better, another thing I learned!
Off to bed or else I’m never going to make it to my 6AM run.
I’m curious to hear what others are finding is “getting in the way of blogging”. Please share your experiences in the comment section below!
By Maryline, on July 25th, 2010%
When I was pregnant with my first (and so far only!) child, I was told to look into cord blood banking.
Not something that I had ever heard of, because it is not something that is heavily marketed in France and even to this day, it’s not something that is readily available — my sister who lives in Paris had her baby just 2 weeks before me, so we were constantly comparing notes!
Essentially, private banks are playing the emotional card when trying to convincing parents-to-be to collect and store their baby’s cord blood in a private bank like theirs.
It’s really easy, try a claim like: “a lifetime of protection“.
For the incredible price of $2,000, plus yearly storage fees. What a bargain!
However what most parents ignore is that you can access nearly the same benefits through public banking at no cost*.
Despite a previous statement by the American Academy of Pediatrics indicating that ‘private storage of cord blood as “biological insurance” should be discouraged’, I am appalled to see private cord blanking heavily marketed in so many OBGYN offices.
Take for example this ”publication” called Today’s Pregnancy – the cover story reads “Should you save your baby’s cord blood” and the article consists of an interview with an MD strongly recommending private cord blood banking by CBR (one of the two major players in the market of private cord blood banking).
This magazine looks just like any another pregnancy magazine available in the waiting lounge, covering topics like breast feeding, sex during pregnancy, what to expect at check-ups… — except this one is a publication of Cbr Systems, Inc.
I cannot tolerate marketing fooling new moms. That’s just wrong.
Do you know of other “tactics” that are pulling the heart string of new moms and should be called out? Leave a comment!
* Until now this option was not necessarily available in every state, however Time magazinerecently reported a new project giving everyone access to a Public Donation Kit. Therefore it is now easier than ever to donate cord blood that would otherwise go to waste.If you are interested in donating your baby’s cord blood to a participating public bank may contact the Carolinas Cord Blood Bank Public Kit Collection Program by calling 919-668-2071.
By Maryline, on July 25th, 2010%
It happens every time I open a “parenting” magazine.
At least one article will conflict with the last thing I heard at my son’s latest pediatrician appointment.
Example — Parenting Early Years of August claims in their article Cavity-free kids:
“… Visit the dentist by age 1. Ask your doctor for a referral or find one at the American Academy of Pediatric
Dentistry website.”
Though on their web site, they recommend a visit within six months of their first tooth’s appearance.
The American Academy of Pediatrics says a visit at or around 1 year of age is recommended.
Guest what?
At my son’s 15-month check-up, I asked about this specific question, and his pediatrician said T won’t need to see a dentist until age 2 or later.
And he made it sound like it’s the case for any child in good health. So unless you started your child on soda at 6 months of age, or refused to start brushing his teeths (at least once daily), then yes, you might be in for an early trip to the dentist!
Meanwhile, I can’t explaint the discrepancy between the guidelines and real life.
What is a mom supposed to do? Adjust the recommendations based upon realistic expectations — or expect the guidelines be redefined to reflect actual needs?
By Maryline, on July 22nd, 2010%
The benefits of nearly one-on-one care for your baby — for only half the cost?
The answer is quite simple: a nanny share.
You and another family hire a care provider to look after both your children. Yours, and theirs. Sometimes there are more than 2 children.
However, most often it’s just two because many parents favor this solution for the first year or two years of their baby’s life — and at that age, nannies can (should?) handle only two children — Oh wait! Maybe that’s what parents are most comfortable with?
A nanny share agreement can take various forms. The details make all the difference between great and convenient and draining and frustrating.
Here is how to make it work for you…
If you think you’ve found the perfect match in a family – check again:
- is the routine agreed upon? Determine how you will rotate between both your homes. I highly recommend the rotation because it allows each family to share the convenience of not having to drop off their child… and the drawbacks of having a temporary nursery in your guest bedroom or office! (Utilities are then equally split, fair game!)
- are your homes close enough? Most often, families alternate care out of their home every other day or week. Therefore location is key! A few miles may not sound like much, but if you live in the city, the traffic can add up to 20 minutes or more each way. Try to stay within 2 or 3 miles.
- are the children about the same age? If you have an infant, it may be relevant to have another child on the same schedule, in regards to meal time, naps, walks, etc. Plus, they will soon interact with each other, so mobility & development level are an important consideration!
- are the hours compatible for both families? Imagine if the parent picking up their child from your house is consistently late… Don’t go there.
- who will recruit the nanny? Needless to say it should be a team effort — unless you work it out amongst yourselves for some reason. Make sure you outline the nanny’s duties and expectations and prepare a simple contract for your care provider so everyone is on the same page.
- are you on the same budget regarding the nanny’s salary? If it’s a stretch, then don’t do it. Think about the long term (possibly) and the nice possibility to give your hard-working nanny a little raise a few months from now… So keep a little room in your budget!
- have you agreed on logistics? Outline what each family should provide (diapers/wipes, food, bibs, etc.), and figure out “baby equipment” needs: a pack-and-play, a double stroller, a second booster seat/highchair.
Needless to say, all of the above speaks from experience!
Come back next Wednesday to read about finding the perfect nanny.
If you have any tips or recommendations regarding setting up a nanny share, enter a comment below!
By Maryline, on July 21st, 2010%
Today saw the arrival of my friend’s new baby boy, Mister D.
Just a day after her due date — now come on, good performance for a first-time mom!
And it almost felt like I was experiencing birth, and the after birth, all over again. Though my son was born less than 1 year and a half ago, it feels like it was a reeeeally long time ago.
Things I had almost forgotten about…
… the slow progress of labor, followed by a near overdose of Pitocin, followed by an extreme feeling of sickness & pain. “You forget“, veteran moms have claimed. At that moment, you don’t believe any of it.
… the numb feeling in your heavy legs, after having received your epidural, as you’re trying to control your legs to push that baby out. Weirdest sensation ever!
… the surprise at seeing a new baby, finished and everything (my husband: “If you had kept him a little longer, he might have grown teeth!“), alert and apparently shocked to be there; and suddenly he’s in my arms, and on my chest. I’m told: “This is your baby.” Just before that I’m also told it’s a boy. I had this feeling all along, it feels just right.
… the nervosity, just a few hours after birth, as I watched the nurse flip my baby over and firmly tap his back to help clear his lungs. There I was, wondering if I should say something: could they be hurting him?
… then the uncertainty with what to do next; oh yes, we should send a quick announcement to our family and friends, we’ll figure out what we’ll name him later. It wasn’t until the next day that we arrived at a compromise!
… the immense feeling of joy that takes over, and all you want to do is come home with your new baby.
There are so many fun surprises ahead, Mister D, welcome to the world!
By Maryline, on July 18th, 2010%
Not sure that’s the official name for it, but I’ve come to the realization that becoming a mom wasn’t the ultimate “stop” in motherhood.
Until you’ve had two, you’re a rookie. (Spoiler warning: If you’re a rookie, or not even a mom quite yet, maybe come back to this post later, I’d hate to burst your bubble)
And rookies — the so called first-time moms — supposedly overdo it all the freaking’ time, often irritating or amusing many of the veteran moms:
- they eat only what’s best during their first pregnancy and take pictures of their growing belly every week
- they read everything they can get their hands on regarding how big baby is getting, what to do to improve his IQ while in utero (I bet some do!) and how to prepare for painless & effortless childbirth (dream on!)
- they attend a worthless birthing class and prepare a (mostly) useless hospital bag based upon internet articles and girlfriends’ best advice (I only used my snacks, my pillow, basic toiletries and the going- home outfit for baby — everything else could have stayed home: magazines, cute clothes, pyjamas, towels, …)
- they over-buy and stack the latest gadgets and accessories because nothing is too good for the little one (most rookie also fall into 2 categories: those whose husbands support and encourage them; and those whose husbands cringe at the sight of all that “junk”)
- then, when he’s finally here, they take a million pictures of their first born
- finally, they worry over everything: they cannot do enough to protect him, such as from the sun — at least not until the next child is born — and try to shield him from all the other forms of roughness out there.
And this is where I’m going.
I am proud to be a rookie, because I take safety very seriously.
Rookie or veteran, please read on with me for these few tips might save a life. And please share the knowledge with your friends so they too can protect their loved ones.
- Summer is loads of fun, especially when kids first learn about the water. In the US, the second cause of accidental death in children is downing. I wish everyone took a moment to read this: Drowning does NOT look like drowning. This post was created last month and nearly 60,000 people have “liked” it on Facebook. Including me.
- We all know children must be closely supervised while eating, because the risk of choking is always present. But one snack favorite should be on your black list: babies and toddlers should not be given pop corn. Not because of a “simple” choking hazard, but due to the risk of inhalation — when the pieces of fluff pop corn reach your baby’s (or toddler’s) lungs, it’s often too late. Read this story and form your own judgment.
- When you are out in a crowded place and you let your child roam around, say at the fair or at the zoo, do NOT let your eyes off your child. Under no circumstances. If you are curious to read what it feels like to lose your child, read Minutes Worth An Eternity. You will not regret the wake up call.
Here is to keeping our children safe!
(This post was edited on 9/20/2010 to make reference to the last tip, after a troubling day at the fair)
By Maryline, on July 14th, 2010%
When I was pregnant with T, we were told he was due to arrive March 23rd.
Because we did not find out if we were going to have a boy or a girl (though it turns out my prediction was right on!), this due date was — in my mind anyway — the only thing I knew for sure. And I was shooting for March 23rd with great anticipation.
Little did I know!
Over the course of your pregnancy, doctors armed with charts, sonograms, and monitors fine tune the perfectly-cooked-now-come-on-out date your little one(s) should make their arrival on. Only to throw it out the window at the very end, and decide instead to “check you” on a regular basis to better assess if the baby is ready to make a move.
It wasn’t until the last couple of routine visits to the doctor’s office that we started talking about ”scheduling an induction if…”. If what?
Oh, you mean, I might go in overtime?
Duh!, everyone knows first-time moms most often don’t delivery until after their due date.
Well then, why don’t we make it a rule that new moms be given a due WEEK?
It would alleviate much anxiety and “nuisance” from their well-intentioned family/friends/neighbors/coworkers. “When are you due again? Oh, you must be so uncomfortable. I hate to tell you, it could be another week or two, you know”.
And my due date came and went.
I was then counting my overtime, or rather counting down to the scheduled induction. That date was much more reliable. It simply came, along with my baby.
More on this topic: if you’re interested in understanding the “birthing choice phenomenon” in the US, I highly recommend this book called Pushed.
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