10 Email Tips to Maximize Counter-Performance

Rather than venting over work, all it takes is a little humor. Notice how I did not attach the name of any coworker to each of the “tips” below…

10 – Choose a fancy background with an intricate font. And make it as hard as possible to decipher your message!

9 – Lack courtesy … and share your misery. No greeting, no thank you. Or better, include “Thank you” or “Regards” in your signature. Now, that’s fancy.

8 – Forgo the signature, always. Why would your coworkers, vendors, and clients want to get to you?

7 – Write like you text, a lot. Acronyms and ALL CAPS are big favorites. Don’t bother capitalizing the beginning of your sentences, not worth it.

6 – Venture off-topic. Responding to an email while addressing a totally different matter is loads of fun. But be sure to leave the subject line intact.

5 – Don’t send the attachments. Very reliable test to verify your audience is paying attention.

4 – Write a lot more than necessary. In multiple emails, if possible. Don’t you love wasting people’s time?

3 – Make sure your attachments are NEVER printer-friendly. Paper is recyclable after all!

2 – Indulge with misspellings. Practice makes perfect, you’ll see, so don’t worry about the spell-check.

1 – Abuse the Urgent attribute. The red exclamation point looks quite the part. Don’t you wish Outlook offered more clipart options to personalize your messages?

Would you like to share your coworkers’ most annoying email habit? Please leave a comment!

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